One day during lunch break.
The classroom was filled with the voices of students rejoicing with the arrival of lunch break. With such a happy commotion behind me, I wandered around the school with a lunchbox in hand.
“Haa… Should I go to the rooftop stairs of the practice building today, behind the staff parking lot, or…” (Takaki)
In my mind, I considered where to eat lunch today.
Of course, all the options were for one person.
I have said this many times, but I was treated as an outcast in class. If I ate in the classroom, it would make the atmosphere uncomfortable, so to avoid causing trouble, I decided to eat lunch outside. You could call me a master of consideration.
However, the school cafeteria is crowded, and it’s uncomfortable to eat alone there. Tables on the terrace or in the lounge are all occupied by other cliques.
As a result, the only remaining options are places that are dim even during lunchtime, with hardly anyone around, and where it isn’t usually cleaned.
Would this kind of lunch environment manifest as a health disparity in a few decades? What if I was chosen as a research subject at a university, anticipating my loneliness?
I shoved my idle hand into my pocket as I lamented my fate of being alone and likely having a shorter lifespan.
Then, I felt a cool sensation at my fingertips, followed by a metallic sound.
It was the spare key to the student council room, given to each student council member.
Since student council members frequently use the student council room, we were given spare keys to avoid the hassle of going to the staff room each time.
Usually, someone would already be there after school so I hadn’t had much use for it so far.
“Ah.” (Takaki)
At that moment, a revelation struck me.
I see… the student council room!
In the student council room, I could eat lunch alone without anyone noticing, and it even had chairs and a sofa for comfort.
Moreover, it was fully equipped with a kettle, sink, and mini-fridge!
“Heh, hehehe… I see, this is why I became part of the student council…” (Takaki)
It felt like it was destiny. For the first time since becoming a student council member, I truly appreciated the perks. Until now, it had been nothing but hassles, and I hadn’t felt any benefits from being an officer. Without such privileges, it wouldn’t be worth it.
Unable to suppress my overflowing smile, I walked down the hallway, grinning.
Perhaps because I looked so scary, the nearby students quickly parted to make way for me.
My steps feel much lighter now.
…I’m not sad at all, not in the least.
During lunch break, the practice building was unusually quiet. Occasionally, voices could be heard from those eating lunch in their club rooms, but it was a stark contrast to the noisy classroom building.
The area around the secluded student council room was similarly quiet.
Inserting the key into the door of the student council room, it made a ‘click’ sound and opened.
Casually pushing open the door, I was surprised to see a figure sitting on the sofa.
“Uwa…” (Takaki)
“Kyaa!? Ouch! Who is it?!” (Nadeshiko)
As I unintentionally let out a weird sound, the figure stood up in surprise. A dull thud followed as they bumped into the desk. Their long, straight, beautiful black hair flew wildly, and for a moment, I felt like I was witnessing a lion dance or something.
…Come to think of it, something similar happened before.
I sighed inwardly and called out to our student council president, who was hiding behind the sofa.
“Togami, it’s me. I’m not here to hurt you, so come out.” (Takaki)
“Gujou-san?” (Nadeshiko)
Peeking cautiously over the backrest of the sofa, Togami let out a sigh of relief.
“What do you want?” (Nadeshiko)
“Same as you. Came to eat lunch.” (Takaki)
“How did you know I was eating lunch here!?” (Nadeshiko)
“Anyone could tell.” (Takaki)
On the desk were a bottle of cola and two melon bread. In Togami’s left hand was a partially eaten melon bread.
There was no doubt she was eating lunch here, but I was surprised by the less-than-expected junk food combination.
I heard she was rich, so I thought she’d be having a luxurious bento for lunch or even ordering from UberEats. We actually have a few of those types at our school.
“Are you here alone, Togami?” (Takaki)
“Aren’t you alone too, Gujou-san?” (Nadeshiko)
Togami nodded with a sullen expression. I had considered the possibility that she might be eating with Hourai-senpai or Arisu, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.
“Do you always eat here?” (Takaki)
I asked Togami, who was rubbing her shin which she had bumped earlier.
“No, today is just a coincidence, or rather, a rare occurrence.” (Nadeshiko)
“So, you usually eat with friends then?” (Takaki)
“Friends…? Oh, yes! That’s right! I usually eat with friends.” (Nadeshiko)
“Hey, you sound like you never heard of that word before.” (Takaki)
Even if she didn’t have friends, she should at least be able to understand it properly. Was it that unfamiliar of a word to Togami?
Feeling a sense of camaraderie, I gazed at Togami with a lukewarm expression.
“Let’s do our best, both of us.” (Takaki)
“D-Don’t just treat me like we’re cut from the same cloth!” (Nadeshiko)
Togami retorted seemingly annoyed, but her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were slightly moist. I must have hit a nerve.
It’s tough, isn’t it… for both of us…
Of all people, it’s ironic that the student council president, who’s perceived as “perfect” by everyone around, can share this kind of hardship.
The world is truly strange.
Or rather, isn’t it unusual that two out of four student council officers are loners? Statistically speaking, it’s abnormal.
After the unexpected encounter, I sat down at a long desk.
Even though we were acquaintances, sitting on the same sofa as girls felt a bit awkward.
I opened the lunchbox I brought from home. It contained white rice, along with mini tomatoes, pickled vegetables, and stir-fried cabbage and pork cubes with miso that I had made extra of last night. For a homemade meal by a high school boy, it was pretty decent.
Silently, I put my hands together and quietly recited “itadakimasu” in my mind. I picked up a mini tomato with my chopsticks and popped it into my mouth.
“…” (Nadeshiko)
“…” (Takaki)
It’s awkward.
When two loners come together, a lively atmosphere doesn’t magically appear. We’re both loners because we can’t easily connect with others.
Of course, Togami and I aren’t meeting for the first time. In fact, our relationship is somewhat deeper.
After all, we made such a promise yesterday.
However, I’m here with Togami not because she asked me, but simply by chance.
If that’s the case, maybe it’s better for both of us to quietly finish our meals without trying to force a conversation or interfere with each other.
No, despite being familiar with each other, silently eating lunch without any conversation feels off… It’s like a snapshot of modern society where people don’t even know their neighbors’ last names.
Speaking of which, I wonder what Togami thinks about this situation.
Glancing over at Togami, I noticed she was also looking at me, and our eyes met.
Both of us hastily looked away, but it was clear we had caught each other’s gaze. There was a tense silence between us.
We both seemed to silently plead, “Could you say something first…”
It was Togami who broke the silence first.
“Um… do you have any topics to talk about?” (Nadeshiko)
“Don’t just expect me to come up with a topic out of nowhere. But seriously, what’s with this awkward atmosphere?” (Takaki)
“Isn’t it you who came here later and created this awkward atmosphere?” (Nadeshiko)
“But you’re the one who initiated the conversation first, right? It’s a rule of thumb that the person who talks first has to bring up a topic, so Togami, could you suggest something first? I’ll come up with the next one.” (Takaki)
“Ugh… Well, I guess you’re right.” (Nadeshiko)
After a bit of back and forth, I managed to smoothly steer the conversation. Based on how easily she gave up, I couldn’t help but be worried about Togami’s debating skills.
After a moment of hesitation, Togami painfully forced out a topic.
“So… Gujou-san, why are you a loner?” (Nadeshiko)
“That’s the worst topic you could have picked!” (Takaki)
With just a few words, I was fully convinced of why Togami was also a loner.
This girl’s casual communication skills are abysmal. Why would she start off with such a difficult topic?
Togami looked flustered, waving her hands in a panicked attempt to explain herself.
“Well, since you went through the trouble of bringing up a topic, it’d be rude not to answer… It’s nothing big, though.” (Takaki)
I explained the reasons why I became a loner in high school, leaving out the details about my family.
I had carelessly enrolled in the prestigious Reishuu High School but struggled to keep up with the academics. I failed at making friends right off the bat. Then, in early May, I fell down the stairs and broke a bone, resulting in a disastrous midterm exam. My lifestyle went downhill from there, leading to misunderstandings of me being a delinquent and being completely isolated from the rest of the class.
I shared these bits and pieces of my story.
“…And that’s how it is. It’s my own fault, really.” (Takaki)
After I finished summarizing my story, Togami muttered with a look of disbelief.
“Wait a minute. That’s not nearly enough.” (Nadeshiko)
“Huh? Did I forget something?” (Takaki)
“You left out everything about your time in middle school.” (Nadeshiko)
“No, that’s because I had friends in middle school.” (Takaki)
Then Togami placed a hand on her forehead, wearing a serious expression as she pondered about something deeply.
Did I say something strange?
“I think I just heard something unbelievable… ‘I had friends until middle school,’ you said.” (Nadeshiko)
“Yeah, it’s true. I had friends until middle school, and I think I even had quite a number.” (Takaki)
I did well in my studies and was decent at sports. I was even the student council president, so I had a wide circle of friends.
Togami’s eyes widened in shock at my words.
Then she narrowed her eyes and spoke in a cold tone.
“…Traitor.” (Nadeshiko)
“Hey, hold on, I didn’t lie about anything from the start.” (Takaki)
From the way she said it, it seemed like Togami didn’t have any friends even before middle school. In that sense, she was a true loner.
Feeling betrayed for no reason, Togami continued to mutter curses at me with resentment.
“[Fake loner], [Guy who had friends in middle school], [Someone who calls themselves a loner just because their friends aren’t at the same school], [Winner who has a cute childhood friend even though he says he’s a loner].” (Nadeshiko)
…Wait, are these curses? Or compliments?
The tone and content were so mismatched that I couldn’t tell. If I took the words at face value, I’d actually be happy.
“Um… thanks?” (Takaki)
“I’m not complimenting you!” (Nadeshiko)
Apparently, her words were intended as insults.
“But it’s weird.” (Nadeshiko)
“What is?” (Takaki)
“That anyone would want to be friends with Gujou-san, given your eyes and demeanor.” (Nadeshiko)
“That’s rude! Kids don’t care about that stuff! Besides, my friends from before middle school were mostly from the same elementary school, and my eyes used to look better back then.” (Takaki)
In my kindergarten graduation photo, my gaze was normal. My middle school graduation photo looks almost the same as the one from kindergarten, but my eyesight has declined since starting high school, so I have to squint more, causing me to look more menacing.
After expressing her dissatisfaction and letting off steam, Togami sighed.
“So, why are you a loner, Togami?” (Takaki)
“Well…” (Nadeshiko)
“It’s your turn now. If you really don’t want to say, you don’t have to.” (Takaki)
It wasn’t a topic I was particularly keen to pry into.
Still, Togami reluctantly began to speak. Perhaps she felt obligated since she was the one who brought it up.
“There’s not really a big reason. When I was little, I had to attend a lot of extracurricular activities and couldn’t play with my classmates, so I never really learned how to interact with people privately. To be perfect, studying is essential, and I’m also afraid that someone I’m close to might find out I’m not perfect. After middle school, I just stopped trying to make friends.” (Nadeshiko)
“I see.” (Takaki)
Although it was a brief explanation, it gave a glimpse into Togami’s family situation, her life so far, and the efforts she’s put in.
The fact that someone as clumsy as Togami is perceived as “perfect” by those around her isn’t just a miraculous coincidence. It’s likely because she’s making efforts to cover up her true self.
Whether her family circumstances play a role in this, I don’t know. It’s likely not just a matter of personality.
“But, Togami, someone like you would get approached even if you stayed quiet. You won the election without any issues, so you must be relatively popular, or at least well-liked, right?” (Takaki)
I tried to change the subject, but it wasn’t just a random comment—it was something I was genuinely wondering.
Togami seemed to be aware of that point herself so she nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, I do get approached sometimes. But it’s mostly about studies or test scores, very formal conversations. There’s hardly anything outside of that.” (Nadeshiko)
“I see.” (Takaki)
Her overly perfect demeanor might give off an unapproachable impression.
A stunning beauty with an elegant demeanor, excelling in both academics and sports, and coming from a wealthy family. It might indeed be rare for people to approach her casually.
In fact, until I got involved in the student council, I thought she lived in a completely different world.
Honestly, if her clumsiness were more widely known, it might be easier for her to make friends. But since she wants to keep it hidden, it makes things complicated.
“But, since people do talk to me in class, I guess I’m doing better than you, Gujou-san.” (Nadeshiko)
“Uh, yeah.” (Takaki)
That was a tricky comment to respond to. I mean, I have Arisu, an approachable childhood friend to talk to, so it might be an even match. Well, if she’s happy, I don’t really have a reason to mention it.
After a brief pause in our conversation, Togami seemed to remember something.
“Oh, by the way, there’s something I wanted to ask you, Gujou-san.” (Nadeshiko)
“What is it?” (Takaki)
“Before you could use the Student Council room, where did you eat?” (Nadeshiko)
“Ah… yeah, it’s definitely interesting to know where other loners eat.” (Takaki)
It was an intriguing topic this time. Togami must have only started using the Student Council room a few weeks ago at most.
How did she manage to get through lunch breaks all this time? I felt a sense of skinship and wanted to share our struggles.
“By the way, I used to skip lunch and lock myself in the library or self-study room.” (Nadeshiko)
“Skipping lunch is quite a strong solution.” (Takaki)
“When I couldn’t bear it anymore, I distracted myself with high-calorie juices or milk tea. How about you, Gujou-san?” (Nadeshiko)
“I couldn’t skip lunch entirely, so I found somewhere to eat.” (Takaki)
When I answered, Togami’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“I-Is that place perhaps… the restroom!?” (Nadeshiko)
“No way! Don’t look at me like that! I’ve never resorted to eating in the bathroom.” (Takaki)
“What!? I always thought loners ate in the bathroom, that’s the image I had.” (Nadeshiko)
“Everyone’s different. I’d rather eat in the classroom than in the restroom.” (Takaki)
“Is that so?” (Nadeshiko)
“Yeah, I mean, even in a nice high school like ours, the restroom can still be dirty. Sometimes some people would even be doing their ‘big business’ there, so I definitely don’t have the guts to eat lunch there..” (Takaki)
“Haah… Gujou-san, you really are a fake loner…” (Nadeshiko)
“Why are you disappointed?” (Takaki)
By the way, my recommendation is the stairs leading to the rooftop of the practice building or the hidden bushes on the school building side of the staff parking lot. Well, sometimes you have to be careful because you might run into couples wandering around the school or teachers sneaking out to smoke in quiet places.
After that, Togami and I continued to bond over the quirks and tales unique to loners.
I’m well aware that this is a rather sad topic for high school students, but surprisingly, it’s quite engaging.
There’s this mysterious sense of kinship among those who share the same struggles.
After talking for a while, an old-fashioned chime rang out.
*Ding Dong*
“Oh, it’s the bell.” (Nadeshiko)
“Should we head back to the classroom soon?” (Takaki)
Both Togami and I stood up.
Somewhere along the line, I had moved from sitting on the desk to sit on the sofa opposite Togami. Realizing this now made me feel embarrassed.
“Um, Gujou-san.” (Nadeshiko)
“What is it?” (Takaki)
As I was about to head towards the door with my lunchbox in hand, Togami called out to me, stopping me in my tracks.
Turning back, she had a somewhat solemn expression on her face.
“To be honest, this is the first time since starting high school that I’ve eaten lunch with someone like this… It made me a bit happy.” (Nadeshiko)
“…I see.” (Takaki)
“If you don’t mind, Gujou-san, would you maybe want to eat lunch together again in the student council room? I mean, this the only place I really have to go, so I’ll probably just come and eat here anyways. If it’s okay with you, of course.” (Nadeshiko)
Blushing slightly, Togami spoke in a quieter voice than usual.
Honestly, she’s so awkward when she tries to express himself.
For me, having lunch with Togami wasn’t bad at all. Plus, there was no reason to avoid using the student council room that we were given.
So, my answer was clear.
“Yeah. If the restroom smells too bad, I’ll come over here.” (Takaki)
“…Wait, are you still hung up on what happened earlier, Gujou-san?” (Nadeshiko)
“Apparently, loners are creatures that have to eat in the bathroom.” (Takaki)
“Ugh, you’re really still hung up on that… I’m sorry, okay?!” (Nadeshiko)
Well, I’ll keep dropping by the student council room from tomorrow onwards.
I hope someday I can invite Arisu and Hourai-senpai there too.
TL Notes:
Thanks for reading!
Asking a loner why they are lonely is just one of those things you don’t ask them. There were times when my classmates asked me the same thing but what the heck do they expect me to respond with?
I can also relate to camping in the student council room to hide away from other people. Plus, it’s air-conditioned.
Footnote:
- None